Monday Mantra:: I set and maintain healthy boundaries

Monday Mantra Healthy Boundaries

It’s so easy to bend your own rules here and there for a friend, for a co-worker for your boss. And to be honest, doing so here and there is fine but when you find yourself constantly going against what you want, against your own values, against your own needs, life begins to feel frustrating and all the little things you say “sure, I can do that” to suddenly feel like burdens instead of enjoyment. People suddenly expect you to help and no longer ask you. I’ve been there before and I often have to remind myself to get back on track with my boundaries.

The key to setting boundaries is knowing what you want and what you value and having something tangible to remind you of them often. When you have these at the forefront of your mind day in, day out, it becomes easier to stand your ground when you need to because your most important things/people/events are not buried under all the other things on your to do list. There’s less to filter through. Knowing what you want means you can know faster when something doesn’t match up with what you want.

A friend of mine gave me a trick a few years ago now, that I have just started using in everyday life. Here’s how it works.

Write a list of your most important goals. What do you most want from life at the moment? Is it more time with family? Is it writing your first book, is it getting a whole stack of homework done, is it meditating every day? or is it to run a half marathon? Write it down. Keep that list super close and handy at all times.

Whenever someone asks you to do something, to go somewhere to attend an event, to say back and work late, ask them if you can get back to them on that and then go get your list out and ask yourself these questions:

  1. Is it something I actually want to do?
  2. Will I regret it if I say yes? / Will I regret it if I say no?
  3. Will doing this bring me closer to my goals?

Asking yourself these questions (especially if you’re naturally a ‘yes’ person, will help you to get more discerning about how you spend your time.

If you come to the conclusion that this event is not for you, simply tell them straight up “look, it sounds great but it doesn’t really match up with what i’m trying to achieve at the moment” or “thank you for the offer but I have my heart set on xyz this weekend, rain check?”. People understand what it’s like to have goals and not having time to dedicate to them so they will totally understand and if they don’t that’s a reflection on them, not you. Be honest with them and be true to you.

As always, download and save this Monday Mantra Image to your desktop or phone or print it and pin it somewhere you’ll see it. When you see it, say it. And if you know someone who would also benefit from this mantra, please share it.

Setting boundaries for your non-negotiables

So, as a Kinesiologist, I get told all the time “wow you must be always happy and relaxed”. The answer of course, is mostly yes, but not really all the time. I’m human, just like every other person on the planet.

I get regular kinesiology balances to keep myself in a good space so that I can help my clients in the best way possible.

It takes diligence because there is a lot I can do for myself – I have so many tools to help myself – and it would be easy just to keep on with that. But to be honest, there are some things that you can’t unearth yourself. It takes diligence too because it’s very tempting to allow others to be looked after first (it’s all part of being in a service orientated profession). I made a very difficult, but good choice today. See a client or reschedule my own kinesiology session which I had already re-scheduled so that someone else could have the earlier one I had booked? The clues were in my entire week leading up to today. I have been obsessed about this session, making copious amounts of notes, balancing myself as much as I could so that I could get the best from my session. This time, I need to put myself first because I know this session is going be a pinnacle of positive change – I’ve had some pretty big patterns of mine come to light this week and i’m not about to let them run riot any longer.

Putting my kinesiology session first works two-fold.

1. I know when my body, mind and spirit are in need of a Kinesiology balance.
2. If I’m not in balance, then it’s more difficult to hold the space for my clients sessions. They get the best when I’m at my best.

So, I know I’m doing this for both my client and myself.

Let me ask you this. Where do you need to set some boundaries? Where are you willing to negotiate yourself, your spirit in order to “do the right thing”? What’s the energetic exchange rate on what you’re foregoing so that someone else can get the benefit?

It’s okay to set some non-negotiables.